It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
