Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
found the other keg... it's in the tree
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
