Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
