we're chasing vodka with high fives
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
