I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
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Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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