I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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