is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Pooping to opera.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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