literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
