Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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