oh god the rape fog is back!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
