Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
