so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
