Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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