Apparently you make a good broom.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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