I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
