I just pynch a tree in the face
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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