I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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