you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
