Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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