I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
