In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
