My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
