Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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