I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
