are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
