that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We need to get me chipped asap
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
