apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
