This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
