You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
