Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Someone signed my nipple.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
