Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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