Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
