I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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