i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
