So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
