They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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