you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
