Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
