After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
