I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
