he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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