Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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