I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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