we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
