Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
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