hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
