I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
