fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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