Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's never too late to be topless.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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