If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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