sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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