You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
