um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
