I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we're making bets on your personal life
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
