Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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