i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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