I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
