Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
