You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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