She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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