My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
