Swine flu. Run for my life!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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