I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
