I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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