Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
