Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
please don't ironically join a cult
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