worst night to have a conscience
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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