she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
