Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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