I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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