We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
