I hope my margaritas pass through security.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
