It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
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I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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