end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My vagina just recognized that song.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
